White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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