I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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