1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
