Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
