You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
