so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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