I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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