Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
