I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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