Can Purell be used as lube?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
