She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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