she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
