I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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