she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
