Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love black thongs
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
