drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
