i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
