so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
