I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
