we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
