They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
