well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
