He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
