YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
