I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
