My balls are so social today.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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