Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
