Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
