he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
