i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
