I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
