just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
the raccoons are back...
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