I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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