Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
