We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
