If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
