If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize