Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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