i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
