hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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