What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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