I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
