Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
