PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
