I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize