The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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