Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
