I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
