If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
