Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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