can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
