Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
