he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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