Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
