I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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