i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He? As in you personified your dick?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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