Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
