I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize