did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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