The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
