I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will pee on everything he values.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
