This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
