her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
